Navigating a child custody matter can feel stressful, especially when friends, family, or the internet give you advice that doesn’t match what actually happens in court. Misconceptions can create frustration and unnecessary tension between co-parents. To help you move forward with clarity, this post breaks down five widespread custody myths and explains what the law really considers when making decisions about children. Myth #1: Courts Automatically Give Custody to the Mother There's a long-standing belief that mothers always have the upper hand in custody decisions. While that may have been true decades ago, it’s not how judges approach cases today. Modern courts evaluate both parents on equal footing. Their primary consideration is the child’s overall well-being. Judges look at who manages everyday caregiving, the nature of each parent–child relationship, the stability of each home environment, and how work schedules affect availability. Because of this balanced approach, many fathers today receive joint custody or, in some situations, become the primary residential parent. The legal focus isn’t on gender—it’s on ensuring the child lives in a safe, supportive, and healthy environment. Myth #2: Children Can Decide Which Parent They Live With Many people think that once children reach a certain age, they can choose their living arrangement. While a child’s perspective can play a role in a custody case, it doesn’t determine the outcome on its own. A judge may take a child’s preference into account, especially if the child demonstrates maturity. Still, the court will want to understand the reasoning behind the preference. Wanting fewer chores or more screen time is unlikely to carry much weight, whereas wanting stability at the same school or proximity to important relationships may influence the court more. In some situations, a guardian ad litem (GAL) may be assigned to speak with the child and share insights with the court. This approach allows the child’s experiences to be represented without placing them directly into the conflict. Ultimately, the judge considers all factors before issuing a decision that supports the child’s best interests. Myth #3: Joint Custody Guarantees a 50/50 Schedule The term “joint custody” often leads to misunderstandings. Many assume it automatically means an equal split in parenting time, but that’s not necessarily the case. Custody falls into two main categories: legal custody, which involves making decisions about the child’s upbringing, and physical custody, which determines where the child lives. When parents share legal custody, both have a say in major decisions—even if the child spends more time living with one parent. Parenting schedules depend on practical details such as school routines, job demands, distance between homes, and the child’s needs. A perfectly even schedule isn’t required. Courts aim to create a plan that supports stability, consistency, and the child’s emotional and physical needs. Myth #4: Full Custody Means Child Support Ends Another common misconception is that child support stops when one parent receives full custody. In reality, custody and child support are separate legal issues. Child support ensures that both parents contribute financially to their child’s needs. Courts look at income, essential living costs like food and housing, and additional expenses such as healthcare, daycare, or school supplies. Even if one parent has full physical custody, the other parent may still be responsible for child support. The purpose is to support the child’s well-being—not to compensate or penalize a parent. Myth #5: You Can Refuse Visitation If Child Support Isn’t Being Paid This particular myth can lead to serious legal consequences. Even if a parent falls behind on child support, you cannot block their visitation time. From the court’s perspective, parenting time and financial support are two completely different matters. If payments are not being made, the appropriate remedy is to return to court, not withhold visitation. Courts have a variety of tools to address unpaid support—such as wage garnishment, fines, or license suspension—but they avoid disrupting the child’s time with their parent. Preventing visitation can also reflect poorly on the parent who blocks access and may be seen as violating a court order. The safest and most effective approach is to handle child support issues through the legal process. Doing so protects your rights, preserves your child’s relationship with each parent, and demonstrates cooperation in the eyes of the court. Need Support With a Custody Matter? If you're considering a change in your custody arrangement or feel your current setup no longer meets your family’s needs, you don’t have to work through it alone. Speaking with someone experienced in family law can help you understand your options and determine the next steps. Reach out today to discuss your situation. We’re here to help you find the best path forward for both you and your child.